Two and a Half Men
Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.
Episodes
- S1E1: Pilot
- S1E2: Big Flappy Bastards
- S1E3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
- S1E4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
- S1E5: The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
- S1E6: Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
- S1E7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
- S1E8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
- S1E9: Phase One, Complete
- S1E10: Merry Thanksgiving
- S1E11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
- S1E12: Camel Filters + Pheromones
- S1E13: Sarah Like Puny Alan
- S1E14: I Can't Afford Hyenas
- S1E15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)
- S1E16: That Was Saliva, Alan (2)
- S1E17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
- S1E18: An Old Flame with a New Wick
- S1E19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
- S1E20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
- S1E21: No Sniffing, No Wowing
- S1E22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
- S1E23: Just Like Buffalo
- S1E24: Can You Feel My Finger?
- S2E1: Back Off, Mary Poppins
- S2E2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
- S2E3: A Bag Full of Jawea
- S2E4: Go Get Mommy's Bra
- S2E5: Bad News from the Clinic?
- S2E6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
- S2E7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
- S2E8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
- S2E9: Yes, Monsignor
- S2E10: The Salmon Under My Sweater
- S2E11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
- S2E12: A Lung Full of Alan
- S2E13: Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow
- S2E14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts
- S2E15: Smell the Umbrella Stand
- S2E16: Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
- S2E17: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
- S2E18: It was 'Mame,' Mom
- S2E19: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
- S2E20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
- S2E21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
- S2E22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
- S2E23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
- S2E24: Does This Smell Funny to You?
- S3E1: Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
- S3E2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
- S3E3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
- S3E4: Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
- S3E5: We Called It Mr. Pinky
- S3E6: Hi, Mr. Horned One
- S3E7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
- S3E8: That Voodoo That I Do Do
- S3E9: Madame and Her Special Friend
- S3E10: Something Salted and Twisted
- S3E11: Santa's Village of the Damned
- S3E12: That Special Tug
- S3E13: Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
- S3E14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
- S3E15: My Tongue Is Meat
- S3E16: Ergo, the Booty Call
- S3E17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
- S3E18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
- S3E19: Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
- S3E20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
- S3E21: And the Plot Moistens
- S3E22: Just Once with Aunt Sophie
- S3E23: Arguments for the Quickie
- S3E24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
- S4E1: Working for Caligula
- S4E2: Who's Vod Kanockers?
- S4E3: The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
- S4E4: A Pot Smoking Monkey
- S4E5: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
- S4E6: Apologies for the Frivolity
- S4E7: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
- S4E8: Release the Dogs
- S4E9: Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
- S4E10: Kissing Abraham Lincoln
- S4E11: Walnuts and Demerol
- S4E12: Castrating Sheep in Montana
- S4E13: Don't Worry, Speed Racer
- S4E14: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
- S4E15: My Damn Stalker
- S4E16: Young People Have Phlegm Too
- S4E17: I Merely Slept with a Commie
- S4E18: It Never Rains in Hooterville
- S4E19: Smooth As a Ken Doll
- S4E20: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
- S4E21: Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
- S4E22: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
- S4E23: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
- S4E24: Prostitutes and Gelato
- S5E1: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
- S5E2: Media Room Slash Dungeon
- S5E3: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
- S5E4: City of Great Racks
- S5E5: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
- S5E6: Help Daddy Find His Toenail
- S5E7: Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
- S5E8: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
- S5E9: Tight's Good
- S5E10: Kinda Like Necrophilia
- S5E11: Meander to Your Dander
- S5E12: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
- S5E13: The Soil Is Moist
- S5E14: Winky-Dink Time
- S5E15: Rough Night in Hump Junction
- S5E16: Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
- S5E17: Fish in a Drawer
- S5E18: If My Hole Could Talk
- S5E19: Waiting for the Right Snapper
- S6E1: Taterhead Is Our Love Child
- S6E2: Pie Hole, Herb
- S6E3: Damn You, Eggs Benedict
- S6E4: The Flavin' and the Mavin'
- S6E5: A Jock Strap in Hell
- S6E6: It's Always Nazi Week
- S6E7: Best H.O. Money Can Buy
- S6E8: Pinocchio's Mouth
- S6E9: The Mooch at the Boo
- S6E10: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
- S6E11: The Devil's Lube
- S6E12: Thank God for Scoliosis
- S6E13: I Think You Offended Don
- S6E14: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
- S6E15: I'd Like to Start with the Cat
- S6E16: She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
- S6E17: The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
- S6E18: My Son's Enormous Head
- S6E19: The Two Finger Rule
- S6E20: Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
- S6E21: Above Exalted Cyclops
- S6E22: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
- S6E23: Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
- S6E24: Baseball with Better Steroids
- S7E1: 818-jklpuzo
- S7E2: Whipped Unto the Third Generation
- S7E3: Mmm, Fish. Yum.
- S7E4: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
- S7E5: For the Sake of the Child
- S7E6: Give Me Your Thumb
- S7E7: Untainted by Filth
- S7E8: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
- S7E9: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
- S7E10: That's Why They Call It Ball Room
- S7E11: Warning, It's Dirty
- S7E12: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
- S7E13: Yay, No Polyps!
- S7E14: Crude and Uncalled For
- S7E15: Aye, Aye, Captain
- S7E16: Tinkle Like a Princess
- S7E17: I Found Your Moustache
- S7E18: Ixnay on the Oggie Day
- S7E19: Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
- S7E20: I Called Him Magoo
- S7E21: Gumby with a Pokey
- S7E22: This Is Not Gonna End Well
- S8E1: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
- S8E2: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
- S8E3: A Pudding-Filled Cactus
- S8E4: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
- S8E5: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
- S8E6: Twanging Your Magic Clanger
- S8E7: The Crazy Bitch Gazette
- S8E8: Springtime on a Stick
- S8E9: A Good Time in Central Africa
- S8E10: Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
- S8E11: Dead from the Waist Down
- S8E12: Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
- S8E13: Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
- S8E14: Lookin' for Japanese Subs
- S8E15: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
- S8E16: That Darn Priest
- S9E1: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
- S9E2: People Who Love Peepholes
- S9E3: Big Girls Don't Throw Food
- S9E4: Nine Magic Fingers
- S9E5: A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
- S9E6: The Squat and the Hover
- S9E7: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
- S9E8: Thank You for the Intercourse
- S9E9: Frodo's Headshots
- S9E10: A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
- S9E11: What a Lovely Landing Strip
- S9E12: One False Move, Zimbabwe!
- S9E13: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
- S9E14: A Possum on Chemo
- S9E15: The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
- S9E16: Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
- S9E17: Not in My Mouth!
- S9E18: The War Against Gingivitis
- S9E19: Palmdale, Ech
- S9E20: Grandma's Pie
- S9E21: Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
- S9E22: Why We Gave Up Women
- S9E23: The Straw in My Donut Hole
- S9E24: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
- S10E1: I Changed My Mind About the Milk
- S10E2: A Big Bag of Dog
- S10E3: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
- S10E4: You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
- S10E5: That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
- S10E6: Ferrets, Attack!
- S10E7: Avoid the Chinese Mustard
- S10E8: Something My Gynecologist Said
- S10E9: I Scream When I Pee
- S10E10: One Nut Johnson
- S10E11: Give Santa a Tail-Hole
- S10E12: Welcome to Alancrest
- S10E13: Grab a Feather and Get in Line
- S10E14: Run, Steven Staven! Run!
- S10E15: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
- S10E16: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
- S10E17: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
- S10E18: The 9:04 from Pemberton
- S10E19: Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
- S10E20: Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
- S10E21: Another Night with Neil Diamond
- S10E22: My Bodacious Vidalia
- S10E23: Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
- S11E1: Nangnangnangnang
- S11E2: I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
- S11E3: This Unblessed Biscuit
- S11E4: Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
- S11E5: Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
- S11E6: Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
- S11E7: Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
- S11E8: Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
- S11E9: Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
- S11E10: On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
- S11E11: Tazed in the Lady Nuts
- S11E12: Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
- S11E13: Bite Me, Supreme Court
- S11E14: Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
- S11E15: Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
- S11E16: How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
- S11E17: Welcome Home, Jake
- S11E18: West Side Story
- S11E19: Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
- S11E20: Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
- S11E21: Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
- S11E22: Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
- S12E1: The Ol' Mexican Spinach
- S12E2: A Chic Bar in Ibiza
- S12E3: Glamping in a Yurt
- S12E4: Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
- S12E5: Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
- S12E6: Alan Shot a Little Girl
- S12E7: Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
- S12E8: Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey
- S12E9: Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
- S12E10: Here I Come, Pants!
- S12E11: For Whom the Booty Calls
- S12E12: A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
- S12E13: Boompa Loved His Hookers
- S12E14: Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
- S12E15: Of Course He's Dead - Part One
- S12E16: Of Course He's Dead - Part Two